then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
