You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
it's great music for shaving your balls
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
You are a genius and a whore.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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