It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
