K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
