He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
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