I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
