you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
