I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
