I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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