Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
