i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are we still banned from the library?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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