Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
