I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
