does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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