it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
