She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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