Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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