chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
