Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize