the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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