i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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