We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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