Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
