So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
