Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
