1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
