he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
