Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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