Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
