You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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