they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
