textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
BRING THE BAGELS
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
