I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
