I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
