Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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