I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
