The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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