Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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