i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
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fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
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did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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