I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
