i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
zippers are such a cool invention
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
