I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Can I color on your dick again?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
