It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
