Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
