I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
