they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Randomize
