Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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