So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
