The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
