Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
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The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
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Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize