FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Randomize