he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
