I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
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