I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Randomize
