meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
