If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
