Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
