I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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