My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
