I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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