I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
