He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
