There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I need moral support for this bender
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
