Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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